i soberly give you permission to do that to me when im drunk
she texted him the burrito order while she was puking in the Del Taco parking lot...
she was throwing up and singing "I HAD a feeling that tonight was going to be a good good night." And yeah she was still in her dress.
giving a 30 min presentation still drunk is like giving birth, upside down in a pit of snakes while being on fire.
You seriously need to keep doing my sexting for me. I just said something about "riding cock like a dick rodeo"
Part of my whole not being a slut anymore involves not giving other peoples boyfriends blowjobs
i'll just tell him I slept with them both because we needed to compare notes
studying for my Anatomy final and masturbating to Japanese porn are practically the same thing
No im just getting a road beer. You got my pants?
Nothing says "I mean business" like using a cart at the liquor store.
Go forth Daniel, drink, be merry... And meet some hot Asians for your friends to bang
I need you to know that everytime my toddler does the downward facing dog in the nude I think about the night you and your dude fell in love.
If magic marker is safe for kids, it should be safe for cats...right?
Ps I took your recycling out, the 9 champagne bottles, vodka bottle, and tequila bottle is how I knew it was yours
The kitchen also doubles as a screaming room after midnight as long as you have something to muffle the sound
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