well recently, every guy I have hooked up with has been economy sized
I just found glass in my funny face pancakes, there's nothing funny about that.
Black Friday shoppers are ridiculous. I think I just watched a marriage end.
they're making a venn diagram comparing gummi bears against gummi worms...is this what i have to sit thru to get free weed????
let's get a trip to cabo together for next spring... they have to have forgotten about me by now
Dont forget the glove box taco bell stash i saved for drunk us.
after tonight, seriously nothing could taste better than toothpaste
At some point during thanksgiving the image of me pooping on ur moms chest will come to you. Your welcome!
There's no discreet way to sneak a cucumber into the shower lol
I don't know what song to play at my bong's funeral!
My mom just asked me if I knew what Buzzfeed was. Then said she's watching the second Magic Mike for the bodies. Please help.
Giiirrrllll. Back to back snaps of dicks. Two different guys sent me their dick at the same time. This is totally what our founding fathers meant with life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness.
I'm eating animal crackers on my bed next to my vibrator writing about the hopelessness and depravity of humanity. I am LIVING.
If sex isn’t mentioned at least three times at the dinner table, I’m not interested...
The police officer that arrested me Friday night just bought me a shot
Randomize
