I want 2 things right now, you or a cig
cig
i think the world will end when pigs can fly. think about it, everyone says blah blah when pigs fly. so shit would be going down if they ever can.
oh fuck your right
Lauren she was gnawing on a dresser. Gnawing. On. A. Dresser.
My near death experience also doubled as my coming out story
they all just nodded
2 rounds of irish car bombs have already been taken to your 5 year sober anniversary
Drinking franzia alone at noon watching a cheese themed episode of "The Chew" I'm ready to admit I need a job.
I'm sad we weren't friends when I went through my "I like drugging my friends" phase
Totally just drove past you riding your bike. I was like damn, that looks like a cute little hipster boy, and then I realized it was you and that I'd already banged you and it kinda made my day. I hope you're well. Come over soon?
CAN I EVER JUST MAKE OUT EITH SOMEONE AND NOT GET FRIEND REQUESTED BY THEM THE NEXT DAY.
Dude, im sorry I had sex with that girl I was trying to hook you up with last night. Good news though she puts out
she walked in on me throwing up in the sink with my pants around my ankles and I said "i'll be with you in a sec"
Oh shit that's not good dude. I'd head straight for Williamsport hospital the first ingredient in that shit is lithium batteries. You don't want to know what the second one is
I am watching a girl dressed up as santa, full on fat suit, try to fight a six foot 200lb man. A reindeer threw beer on everyone. Shit is going down
Slept with a member of the band last night, found out today after extensive stalking he’s engaged. Pro tip: don’t research one night stands.
He said "I can't believe I had sex with a cat lady". Am I flattered or is this a new low?
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