I will be horny for about another two hours. Feel free to call me until then.
The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
ok so the lil girl sitting behind u was picking the hairs off ur sisters back and putting them in her mouth
Would you let Jessica Biel poop in front of you to see her naked...but you have to wipe her too?
they almost convinced me to put "Funbags" in the 'other names you may be known as' section of the job application
Someones car got stolen, everyone is yelling, and im drunk just sayin yeah buddy over and over again
I just got a whiff of tequila through the air conditioner.
Not till Sunday. I'm going to sleep in my car. And I know. This place is insane. Blood on the stAirs 5 dollar slices of pizza. A girl on our floor had a stroke.
We found her in the fireplace eating dog biscuits.
The guy I fucked in San Diego is camping with us for coachella... Awk.
there's still three solo cups of your puke in my basement. so that needs to be solved at some point.
if it looks like there's being an exorcism being performed you know your doing something right.
When i was tripping hard i was banging Jeff's roommate and her room turned into Hogwarts
Also when we were banging i thought my high school librarian was perched up on top of the stereo like a gargoyle but it ended up just being her cat
It still amazes me Mike had to have neck surgery after eating me out so much.
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