I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
so the sex was amazing up until the point where she said "wow, you're even better than your dad!"
just took my temp. 103. i wonder how tylenol and jager bombs are gonna mix
It's been so long since i rode in a trunk. I'm riding in a trunk btw
I needed a test subject that didn't know any of my friends so that if i screwed up no one would really know or spread rumours about how it was the worst bj ever
He put his hand in my cleavage. NOT ON. IN. BETWEEN. NO more gingers
We just broke into a lion king sing along. Understanding is not possible.
No one is allowed to go to bed until all bottles are finished, I don't want to feel my face tongiht. Do you understand?
Just bought weed from the ice cream man. The kid in front of me got a tootie fruitie.
We dug deep emotionally while eating cereal
No more weed for you
CSI Miami is on and the guy is trying to save this woman who got shot. By stripping off his shirt & belt. THE WOMAN NEEDS YOUR PANTS OFF TOO
I just plagiarized Dr. Curtis Connor's ideology from Spider-man in an essay on genetically engineered embryos. College: academic integrity at its finest.
Can I fire a pigeon out of a t shirt gun?
Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid
Please don't finger me like a jackhammer. I'm a woman not a construction site.
Randomize
