If I could text you the sound of me vomming, I would.
I had new employee orientation at the YMCA today. I showed up with a hangover, a black eye, scratches down my arm, and a sore throat from puking gin and keystone.
Myspace is for pedophiles and tweakers in the 818 trying to hook up. I always forget theres music there too
Oh no I havn't even told you about the naked asians yet
If I threw up, how do I still have the same piece of gum in my mouth from the beginning of the night?
I hope the walls stop moving before my manager notices that i'm still drunk.
Ahh, 151. Think of it this way: it took one shot to get you buzzed, I took eight. I may or may not have broken a tv with my skull that night and met someone's parents naked and hungover the next morning.
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Plus he stuck it in when you were sleeping which would have been the tipping point for me but you art school kids are all liberal and shit
She's lucky her pussy is worth listening to her ramble about bedroom furniture for 30 minutes
Oh boy I hope we come out of this alive. And with clean prison records
Terrible idea I love it
I woke up at 6 and was laying at the top of my stairs.
I fucked a marine... I told him it was like personal revenge and he said he could live with that and that he didn't mind being used.
I got eaten out in the igloo at snow-kings castle last night.My thighs were literally melting ruts in the ice bench.Definitely colder than the minus 40 blowjob at Desiree's wedding
Randomize
