apparently 9 shots of absynthe does not take away your skill to walk. i just woke up under a tree in some field on the other side of town with 4 hours missing.
Still at the library. i hate tax accounting so much that i've started calling it potions...
Someones car got stolen, everyone is yelling, and im drunk just sayin yeah buddy over and over again
Homeless guy on the metro is drinking beer out of a coke bottle. Hello friend.
Breaking personal boundaries is my trademark
Just woke up with my keys in one hand and cheesecake in the other.
Just went through campus. In the span of 2 min I saw 4 places I've had sex. And thats just down one street. Man do I miss college.
Taking a semester off always leads to bad things like having a baby or getting married
I overcharge people for their weed so you can have yours for free, because I care
Also, I found out that my dad has the name of every boy that I've ever dated and their physical description, car type and tag number stored in his computer.
Apparently Angela went missing once and he says he learned were to look first and that it's best to have information on hand.
the liver wants what the liver wants
Sorry I couldn't reference you in my facebook quote. I will redirect any likes and comments straight to my blowjob efforts this week.
Do the security cameras outside your house capture sound? If so your whole family is going to hear me describe my threesome
His birthday is on cinco de mayo and he doesn’t drink or like tacos. What a waste.
I brought my porn computer to class by accident
How much porn do you watch if you need a special computer?
Randomize
