i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
she just asked me to help her create a twitter page for edward cullen's hair.... seriously.
Right before he passed out, he said "Stuporman, coming in for a landing"
the fire alarm went off. we werent sure whether to leave or turn the music up louder
There's a treasure map on your stomach. Treasure may or may not be the clothes you lost...enjoy
He sent me a Microsoft outlook meeting request to blow him in the storage room at work. I had to accept.
Penises. Everywhere.
You're. Welcome.
So is there a reason your dad is passed out naked in my shower? P.S. Congrats on the family dong.
I didn't get it..
I'm sorry. But to the original question please.
Did we do anything stupid last night besides hook up with our ex girlfriends?
I woke up on my girls floor with a pound of muenster cheese in my shirt pocket
I've only fucked to 2 Fleetwood Mac songs, that must be why my life feels so empty.
I am pants-free in the living room. This is liberating.
I have to close one eye, because I don't wanna see two movies, I only want to see one.
hot take: drunk me can walk through walls?
One of my tenants at my fourplex that I own gave me a massive bag of severely dank pot and a brick of cocaine because she didn't have the cash to pay the rent. She might just be my favorite tenant!
Randomize
