come home now. i got a twizzler tangled in my hair again
At what point did I eat out of your mouth?
his mom walked in, looked at me, sighed n nsaid 'when are u gonna learn' n walked out
Questioning the dried heart shaped nutella on my boobs. Valentines day has begun.
If the boyfriend of the drunk girl you just met asks her if she made a "special friend" you're going to have a threesome. For future reference.
My asshole is basically a geyser at this point. Minus the excitement. Plus blood.
she broke my one feeling. seriously I think she broke my dick.
I mean it was his birthday. How was I supposed to tell him he could not wear a sombrero while we bang.
Somebody found our where I was and called the bar looking for me. When the bartender called my name I finished my beer and took off like a fugitive.
If I could drive and get you Starbucks I would... But that's probably not a good idea. On account of the drugs.
I was so drugged up it was amazing, I felt like a dinosaur "because I enjoyed spinach, and I got apple juice and only dinosaurs get apple juice" according to me the day of, and last night I felt like a rocket ship
Welcome to the single world where it seems vibrator batteries are in short supply and making a sandwich while naked at 2am is relatively normal
My vagina has a mind if its own. Can you imagine if I didnt have you to run her ideas through.
Blacked-in to me, shirtless, giving myself finger guns in the mirror and rapping "stacks in the club stacks stacks in the club."
Sorry I blacked out in bed
it was real late and you were brushing your teeth with miller light. it was bound to happen.
Randomize
