After I talked about my ex for about twenty minutes, she just listened, sluts are so understanding
It's like I'm the Little Bo Peep of sheparding dicks.
Only someone with your twisted mind could come up with that simile. Do you sit around and read 'How to turn Beloved Childrens Stories into Sexual Analogies?' This is the 3rd time you've done this.
Gentlemen...shes not going to tie her self to the table...
I wasn't trying to make you feel bad, I just agreed with you that your life does suck.
So I have some interesting news. The pizza guy called the cops on me...
My drunk neighbor is arguing with a goose in his yard. This was the highlight of my day.
Every time I think about it I can feel His toe in my mouth and I gag, I'm scarred for life.
The door opens out but somehow she managed to kick it in..
I woke up in my own bed clutching a key to a Ramada in another state.
We used a snorkel as a funnel. Can you say desperate?
I just gave her a sobriety test in the middle of the baking aisle.
And the results, officer?
She's fucked.
I learned a very valuable lesson tonight...don't touch a cops tazer
I just called my grandma crying, apologizing for being the first grandchild to have premarital sex...I'm either about to start my period or pregnant.
This is why I can't take dates to shows... I've literally made out with everyone in this band. And two of the guys in the crowd. And the bartender.
The highlight of my week is I found some hetero porn I didn't completely hate. Branching out.
Randomize
