is there anything more depressing than unpacking condoms from your suitcase that you thought you were going to use on vacation?
alright so where did all these fingerpaintings on my bedroom wall come from?
dude. you drew those with your dick
My plan for valentine's day: take a shot for every guy I've slept with. To keep me from going to the hospital I'm only doing half a shot for small dicks
it is 7:54 and i am surrounded by drunk old people. drunk enough that my grandmother and her friend just compared boobs. as in, shirts off, bras coming down. save me.
I think that's mostly how we became friends.
Well that, and your desire to put your penis in me.
I almost tried texting you with my pipe. Holy fuck this is good shit.
I went to the obgyn with chipped nail polish.. Somewhere Beyonce was looking down, shaking her head, whispering "Not fierce."
I kinda feel like I was hit by a Prius. Just glad it's not bus status.
my balls were so many shades of blue last night I could have used them as paint and replicated the entirety of Picaso's blue period. The girl was an art major I feel like this metaphor is appropriate.
All I know is I woke up with his business card in my bra and in my handwriting on the back it says 8 inch.
I'd help you out but I got Bacardi and Tequila poured down my snorkel last night and I'm still drunk
Thanks for reminding me of all the hookups my brain has been trying to suppress...
That's what friends are foooooooor!
I did what i always do when i miss him; masturbate and watch Bridges of Madison County.
It involves me, my best friend, and a stripper and her mother.
Found my paycheck. It was in the freezer
Randomize
