My itunes is telling me i listened to toxic by b spears 108 times last night
We asked "Is that Andy puking in the bushes, its 7 AM" he looks up and goes "It's okay guys, its 7:30"
I remember tearing his shower curtain down but I don't remember trying to shave my vag...
I think my hand is broken. But his nose definitely is
I accidentally peed all over the couch. It's safe to say I'm not welcome at that house anymore
be ready to rage tomorrow. like naked ranch dressing rage
I figured out why her friends always say g is for god when she leaves with someone. She wears a double g cup bra
I went limp when I heard her mom fart from her parents bedroom. It lasted longer than my hard on.
You know it's going to be a good night when you're barking by 8:20.
holy fucking shit get me out of here. even the babies are wearing beanies
I just want to braid flowers into his hair and steal all of his pills.
Dude, I totally just made my launch phrase on my new phone "Wingardium Leviosa" so that when people try it and it doesn't work I can say, "It's leveeOHsa, not leveeoh-SA."
Just paid for my STD meds using a giftcard I got for Christmas. Thanks mom.
I told my parents how nice the girl at the frogurt store was. I neglected to mention that I nearly lost my virginity to her via foursome.
Looks like a sea otter shaved my vagina. Keep an eye out for me this weekend, no one can see this.
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