I watched the entire movie Forgetting Sarah Marshall before I realized it was in Spanish.
I've officially decided that whoever created hate sex should be on my christmas card list.
no dude I'm not doing anything bad to her...remember she's always the DD she has blackmail material on literally all of us
I couldn't find my shirt this morning so I stole one from his eight year old sister. Slutted up my outfit quite a bit.
You were captain morganning on the laundry hamper and when I walked in you slingshotted a thong at me and started peeing. This all came back to me when I picked up some jeans to wear and they smelled like piss.
He is what would appear if the douche troop all had rings and we summoned someone like the Captain Planet kids.
I decided I was tough enough to wax my bikini area myself. Long story short, I'll be drunk when you get home
LinkedIn just suggested I might know the guy I caught my wife fucking.
some kid lit a j in the bar tonight. i was in awe of both his boldness and the severe beatdown he received moments later
Its like drunk me is Oprah except instead of a car everyone's award is seeing my boobs
He's going to find out eventually, but really what's he going to do? Cry about it and buy another fucking kitten??
I just smoked a joint and ate a sandwich while watching someone get arrested. Bonnaroo is a silly place.
then you dropped a clam in a draught beer like it was a drop shot and and started chugging as beer spewed all over your body.
Bro you were on fire last night...like a less Irish version of Liam Neeson
My dad is clearly baked off his ass. He almost sat on moms cat in front of her, zoned out while staring at it and said he wondered what it was thinking about. Now he's dragging everything from the livingroom into the garage. Moms not happy.
Randomize
