Just ate lunch with a paperclip again. Seriously, need to invest in plastic forks.
I need a good reason NOT to eat this entire jar of nutella right now
I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
I think that's the first time I've heard someone say "this is the safest way of doing things" while holding half a gallon of jagermeister
I'm just gonna plan on never getting a bf. everything I touch turns to gay
The trainer from the tech college told me that I would pass the first aid course so long as I turned up sober. Challenge accepted
Nothing says "lifelong friendship" like FaceTiming in a sex shop.
How was the party last night?
I'm dangerously close to shitting myself.
WHY WONT HOT GETMAN MAKR PUPR WITH ME!!!!???!?!!
Thanks for launching me off you reverse cowgirl. I think I chipped a tooth.
Are you saying being a wizard and going to hogwarts wouldn't be life changing, believe in magic you fucking muggle
I wish there was a morning after pill for dominoes.
My lease is up and I've been thinking, it's only fair that the guys I've fucked in this apartment in the past year help me move. They enjoyed the bed, now help me move it.
Theres a woman here with grey hair that im pretty sure i would have sex with
This whole thing is fucking bullshit. I should be wasting all my hard-earned money at Planet Con this weekend but NOOOOOOOOO. Now I'll never get Roy Thomas to sign my comic
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