Just did a line with a monopoly bill. Tell me I'm not fancy.
I got a chicken sandwich and a frosty out of her. Better then having sex
Apparently I'm the guy that didn't get the memo that Afliction and wifebeaters were the proper attire for tonight... so I'll just sit here alone in my sweatervest and be judged.
i watched you ride a mechanical penis. nothing is awkward between us anymore.
I'm chugging Gatorade because i drank something called a trashcan and someone named Gianna diamond has my credit card number, and I think I might have ruined my life.
The waitress just told me I'm asking alot. So far I've asked for a soul, an angel and carbombs
Step one go to argentina step two fuck bitches it's a simple plan really
I have a strict rule of what enters my vajay. It's either sparkly, or human. Anything else and I draw the line. Standards.
Yeah I just don't know how I feel about my fuck buddy coming to work at my dads office with me.
Why is the clock ticking so loud? Now I know how Captain Hook feels.
Our drunk hook up was interrupted by the delivery guy. When he came back to my room we ate the gyros and went back to sex like we didn't take a lunch break.
Everyone should just give me a copy of their keys. I take your dog out and I bring beer.
Orgasms and cereal.... that's what life's about.
He somehow obtained a megaphone and managed to scare away the out-of-control house party—the house party that HE started, by the way— by pretending to be the police.
She made me baby bird juul smoke to her while we were fucking
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