I'm sorry, but there's just something about mesh over nipples that irks me.
Do you remember when I jumped into your arms and you farted?
you dont seem to understand my overwhelming need to watch space jam right now
watching hot guy on train scrolling with his blackberry's track ball... o to be that track ball...
you called your neighbor "slutsauce" then passed out on the stairway. not even sure why, but props to you.
I repeat the shot was ON FIRE. I am never going to a pirate bar again.
Mostly because I hate my job and a have a photogenic penis.
We BOTH lost our virginities there. It's basically a landmark.
I'll text you later. I think she thinks we're taking this whole "no sex" thing seriously.
Just to clarify, I'm still tripping balls
On an unrelated note, I've come up with a theory of everything
I tried to find an emoji but none convey my excitement for receiving good sex soon
Of course he's seen my tits, I wave those things around like a trump supporter does an American flag
He's gonna fuck me, then his girlfriend is going to come over and fuck me in front of him. And they're smoking me out. Happy birthday to ME
i woke up between my boyfriend and his sister and i don't know if we fucked or cried together
So my step mom just informed me she tells stories about me at work as a form of birth control for the girls that work there, not sure if i should be offended or proud.
Randomize
