the best job he will get is a sex ed teacher in alabama
He was sweet. He even warned me that his dick curved, and I quote, "more than a banana."
so are you any less fat since you started doing blow?
last night we were having sex and i didn't care if i got off. i was just holding up my hand behind his head so i could look at my new ring. i think he knew.
shit went down at the bar when this girl with 'morals' totally cock blocked a married guy. she actually kicked IN the bathroom door when they were fucking in there. then we all did shots.
Just walked into a random hotel for the free breakfast. How was your night?
I'd be careful with that one, she got 86'd from the family dollar while SOBER.
Just saw identical twins riding scooters. Today is not real who the hell rides a scooter anymore
Right when he asked me if I was on birth control my dad walked in. This is my fate.
I may be asexual, but I owe you a solid from yesterday. I am a man of my word.
Why were you doing tequila shots out of Boston Pizza dip containers?
Dreamt I had my own personal vibrator rep, who made house calls. I earned an upgrade to an electric model, since I was burning through batteries. That's it. Time for a bf.
I made him leave to get me chicken nuggets so I could have sex with his roommate
Realization: many of my behaviors would lead to me being stoned to death in a lot of foreign countries. God bless America.
My vagina measures dicks. It's accurate to the half inch.
Randomize