life is too short to starve
life is also too short to be fat
My dad is drinking wine out of a measuring cup. This explains so much.
I was pretending that it wasn't happening. Until we had to roll down the windows as she was vomiting apologies into a Target bag.
No kidding. I just keep looking at that 'under 21 until 11/21/2011' on my id and whispering "soon enough"
And then he told me he was too tired for me to suck his dick. Physically and mentally too tired for me to suck his dick. What the fuck?
The worst thing about it is now I have to find someone else to fuck in the library.
I just asked her to come in through the window, this pretty much solidifies the whole fuck-buddy thing...
Drinking a bawls. If I'm dead when you get home, yes, they are poisoned.
I am an advanced cybernetic robot sent back in time to 2013 to fuck my wife senseless for hours on end. Have you seen this wife?
Eddy, if you don't want to roll play then say so. This is just obnoxious
you kept saying how you wanted to mainline bacardi right into your bloodstream. medical school is doing wonderful things to your brain
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
I shall relish in being the most basic of bitches
I just shook glitter of my birth control packet so I’d say it’s safe to say it was a good weekend
I woke up in my bed with candy and beer bottles all around me and i dont know where any of it came from. I love valentines day.
My sister gave me satin sheets. We can fuck on satin sheets.
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