You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone
So he just rolled over in his sleep and said "that's a punctuation mark..."
while cleaning my room, i've found many wonderful things. one of these is the card you gave me for my eighteenth birthday. it's a christmas card that says "i want to stick it in your sponger"
well, it ended with me crying outside the strip club saying i don't want to be 21 anymoree. i'd say it was a great 21st birthday.
I truly believe that the solid foundation of any healthy relationship is a drunken one night stand so I can just get all the nasty shit out on the table
Come over we're drinking with orange soda as a chaser to honor 90s nick kenan and kel.
I think I'm gonna wear a bikini to our final tomorrow...just so he knows that no fucks will be given on his test
I apparently made a "health and fitness" subcatagory called "drugs" on mint at some point. I used it to catagorize all of my nyc atm withdrawls for $60 haha
You threw your body across the gross couple hooking up on the couch and demanded they scratch your back. I love you drunk on peach schnapps
Well I passed out before 4:20 on 4/20 so I deem it a failure AND a success.
Watching the blind side bc I need a good cry to make sure I'm still human after this weekend's questionable life choices
tbh i just wanted to fuck a guy with forearm tattoos but then he was so FORWARD about it
you blew the guy with all the harry potter paraphanelia didn't you
Last time i cooked this high i tried to makw bacon amd then burned myselfbon the grill, only to realize 25min latwr when the bacon wouldnt cook that the grill wasn't on. I IMAGINED the burn.
Our baby is creepy.
That's how we know it's ours. haha
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