was it more than 30 minutes?
ya
then you're in a relationship
i don't think my family understands the severity of a twenty first birthday.
so im decorating easter eggs with my family and my mom is writing "Jesus is risen" and "God loves you!" on the eggs. i wrote things like "I'm naked!" and "there are drugs in these eggs!" on mine.
my bedside table was not meant to hold this many beer bottles.
I like that most of our conversations somehow end in us having sex for the good of our country
You seriously looked at the house acorss the street and implied that you thought they had nice Easters.
I'm a 23 year old virgin. I've masturbated in ways you can't even imagine.
All I saw was a beagle come across the screen and explain the theory of relativity to me and leave
pouring popcorn down my shirt before we went to the bar was the best idea ever. it was delicious and convenient.
I make your heart skip a beat like that pivotal moment when you open a public toilet lid
I also just told a guy I was available for counseling in case he needed to 'bang' things out. I've become a monster.
I got drunk and tried to make special rice krispie treats, but I made a mess and they were all stuck to my hands, so I just decided to eat my way out of the catastrophe and I think shit's about to get even weirder than usual.
Well you could have stayed home, played house and got blow jobs all weekend babe, but we all have to live with our decision
Do you want to get naked and order pizza with me
Remember those neighbors I thought were FBI agents? Turns out they're DEA.
Randomize
