doesn't he have a GF?
that just means you have to try harder.
i didn't have to try TOO hard, just told him i didn't want to know his name or...
Life lesson #57: drinking whisky out of apples leads to threesomes.
My dad is complaining about how his computer keeps getting viruses. I don't have the heart to tell him he needs to stop downloading so much porn.
My google history shows every combination of "red lobster cheesy biscuits" possible.
i'm going to invent a mini fridge that can hang from faucets so i don't have to get out of the bathtub anymore for a cold beer. its a million dollar idea
they superglued a cigarette to my fingers...i think I need to quit smoking.
What time do you think you'll be heterosexual?
Serious question: Should I volunteer to get tazered? My instincts say no but my wild side says yes.
Is 1:30 too early for the bar?
Do you want my opinion or society's?
I want your company
She actually purred while I was balls deep in her! I have never been so proud to buy plan b at 6:30 in the morning.
I'm going to have to include Angry Orchard in my thesis acknowledgements
Herpes is not a lady problem you can solve with shower beers and kissing boys
He just brought a live lobster to the party.
I saw a drunk guy run across the street with an American flag between his buttcheeks.
Im just drunk enough to admit that I miss Hannah Montana.
Randomize