May God have mercy on my new vibrator.
we were like drunken butterflies among sober caterpillars,
I don't know how but I have our hotel room door handle in my purse... this can not be good
I just took my friends on a tour of all the places I've had sex in my house. I dont know if that's more slutty, or the fact that it took 2 hours to complete..
some drunk bitch driving a golf cart ran over the live band... its bad.
i think smoking weed in a ladies bathroom on the beach with two dudes might be the shadiest thing ive done in a while
I smell like hot dogs and captain morgan it's 11:20 am what is my life
You went in the back with her.. And honestly I couldn't tell her neck from her tits man..
I'm going through what feels like a break up with beer. I'm emotionally distraught from it's lack of presence.
I don't really want to talk about it, but if anyone finds my unicorn mask with my bra in it, I would really like that back.
Plus who wants to live somewhere tom jerked off? No one.
Tent sex on an air mattress requires balance and flexibility. Not for the faint of heart
It was great. He never spoke.
That's not why it was great, just that's all I remember.
RESIST THE DICK
thats like telling me to resist drinking water. impossible.
i passed out in front of ihop...for the second night in a row. i think i need to reevaluate my life choices
Randomize