It was like his mom forgot to breastfeed him and he was making up for lost time.
Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
Just wrote a paper about alcohol abuse that sounded like my weekend...
I can't believe he would be such an ass
Your boobs are way too big for you to be worrying about anything.
Just wanted to remind you that you literally cut the underwear off a man.
You came out of the bathroom, said "I'M DRUNK BUT I REMEMBERED TO WASH MY HANDS!" and then insisted that she smell them.
literally. a puddle of blood. on the floor. still searching for the source
i just woke up reverse cowgirl on my couch. fully clothed. my laptop is on the floor sideways. blasting gay porn and lady gaga. pizza crust everywhere. goodmorning.
we started the countdown to drunken sledding this weekend.
If we could give a gymnastic score to drunken nights, I would be a part of the Fab Five.
Moral of the story: I had sex to Back to the Future last night.
We drank vodka and koolaid through a traffic cone. It got rowdy.
I just threw up into a baby carriage. There was a baby in it.
They made Game of Thrones Oreos. Kill me.
i dont know how or why im in the gym right now, but theres a hot cop, a guy i hook up with, and his hot friend. this can only lead to every fantasy i ever had.
Randomize
