you were so high you were expressing yourself in action figures
The walk of shame has never felt more glorious... I think it's the somberero
I wanna get FUCKED up and fail the piss test at my eval so they send me to detox and give me suboxone... Is that bad?
hey I'm just gonna fall asleep in the bathroom at the library call me when you're done with class
90% sure you snuck in there somewhere, all I really remember is big boobs in my face so I'm assuming it was you.
I NEED YOU TO TELL ME ITS OKAY TO BE THIS HIGH
Yes
O.K.
Yeah, I only wore tennis shoes under the gown. Way cooler than khakis and a shirt, but much more awkward when my parents wanted to go to dinner immediately after the ceremony and my grandmother started to unzip the gown. Stopped her before it was too late, but barely. My dad just rolled his eyes.
I opened a bud lite with a fencing sword last night. Yeah you banged that guy.
Turns out the creepy dude who bought us tequila shots was the friend of a friend who then got us a table and several large bottles of champagne.
Never judge a man by his mustache.
I only blacked out one night of three if that isn't fucking personal growth idk what is
Spotify knows me way to well. You mention swinger club and guess what it shuffles to? Danger Zone by Kenny Loggins
I'm right down the road from AJ's old house and I'm getting mixed feelings. My vagina is remembering good dick. But the rest of me is remembering horrible times.
I'd cum everywhere if I could have chicken nuggets right now
woke up to my little sister's best-friend's boyfriend in my bed, but how's your saturday going?
A girl just managed to steal a whole gallon of ice cream. I'm letting her go because that is impressive.
Randomize
