Saw 2 former students outside gas station. gave me money to buy 2 12 packs, asked if I wanted to go to their party.
I told them I had a gf and took one of the 12 packs. Come over.
Texas should really raise its teaching standards.
remember when you found twisted pleasure condoms in my parents bathroom? theyre gone.
If i'm not hungover, near death, and wondering what i did the night before on Monday, life is not worth living.
We're gonna take a moment of silence to pray... that his penis is as pretty and as talented as his brothers.
I just listened to "Eye of the Tiger" and did 5 shots to prep going over to see him.
If I win the contest of drinking the most water I get a chicken nugget.
you stuck pieces of bread to your face with peanut butter and asked if it looked like you had a facial yeast infection.
ohhhh that's why they asked me to leave...
If I have to strap one on and give it to you good, you will not die revirginated. That's friendship.
My 19 year old brother just hooked up with his 45 year old cougar kindergarten teacher. These sorts of situations make me realize why the sorority girls call him Wondercock
At this point, if I'm not getting fucked by a man in ONLY cowboy boots, it's not worth it.
body shots are frowned upon at family weddings. i'll keep that in mind next time. maybe.
I fucked him twice and then he set me up with his teammate. This kid does wonders for me
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
Drunk in my hotel room, eating taco bell, and crying at Nicki Minaj's life story.
This is why I keep you in my life.
I had no plans to sleep with him, but he had to stay because of the snow. I always say, don't look a gift storm in the mouth.
Randomize
