god please explain to me why there's blood underneath my fingernails AND toenails?!?!
Dude To be completely honest I don't think you want me to.
I will show your tits more attention than Michael Jackson's death.
This girl I work with, who is 18 btw, invited me to her baby shower. Do they sell abortions in gift certificate form?
Literally passed out while tubing... Boating while hammered is a blast but thank God for life jackets
You love him. Dinosaurs. Math. Sex.
You do resemble something that has been used as a chew toy.
You know how I've been hooking up with my ex? Well he told me he loved me and I said I was just there for sex so let's get it done. He looked sad, but he did it anyways. And life was good again.
It's all good, I've hated people for lesser reasons than being my ex boyfriend's favorite pro athlete of all time
So I walked in on her and she had taped her fingers together and was crying and was whispering something about "how humbling it is being in constant glove mode"
We've been watching Scooby Doo and having sex for the past 36 hours, so life is great
Am I the only one who saw the used condom in the driveway this morning
I've had 5 hours of sleep and I still smell like sex with the Colonel. I don't appreciate spontaneity.
I wasn't that gone.
Dude, you cried and said how sorry you were when we asked why you had the dip.
Were not even through the second month of the year and I potentially may have torpedoed a marriage...
Look, I am sorry I shaved your cat...but get over it.
Randomize
