I seriously love my fucking boobs. They are so boobs.
Yeah but if I do that, I'd have to buy my own stomach pump for the house. That doesn't seem like a great thing to have sitting on the coffee table.
I told him that all frat guys do it... it was that easy to get him to go down on me.
I knew you were drunk when you poured scotch on a croissant and ate it.
It's happening again. I feel like I'm under water and my heart beat matches "Teenage Wasteland"
he was so drunk I had to hold him up and he started crying when he heard an ambulance siren and said "is that for me?"
who loves string cheese????? I LOVE STRING CHEESE!!!
you know...if you didn't give such great head little things like this would ruin our friends with benefits relationship.
God you better not be texting me after just having sex with someone from craigslist
More likely there's a very shell-shocked cat wandering around somewhere, covered in potato peelings
Do you think I should make him wait for my responses or do you think sophomore have no concept of time like dogs?
Now I can't say for certain but I'm 90 percent are I bathed myself with dog shampoo last night
Found the cure to anxiety attacks.
An orgasm
5 minutes Isn't even long enough to bring me even close to an orgasm. How selfish. Think about baseball and fuck me you idiot.
He painted a swimsuit on me. Naked day at the lake was a success.
At one point I had two blunts in my hand and had no idea where they came from.
Randomize
