Where is the hickey?
My friend's 9-year-old son just informed me that for a cop station, you can't use a shotgun; you have to use a machine gun. Thank you, Grand Theft Auto, for single-handedly corrupting our youth.
I never want a future conversation of ours to include the words "quart of semen" in it
then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
This is the guy who showed up to the first day of class with a 24 pack of coke and a handle of rum in his backpack. He doesnt play by normal people rules.
Apparently in gay bars the restroom signs are just a formality. Its a free for all in there
I feel like I need to get a restraining order against him but I'd probably be the one to break it.
And I think short bridesmaids dresses are the best idea especially for bathroom sex
If we can only get laid once in a blue moon, apparently this will be our month.
I was late because I helped this old romanian lady mow her lawn at 2AM.
My gyno overestimated by 3 TIMES the amount of sex we have per week. First of all, he must think I'm a freak. Secondly, I think we should catch up.
I think after tonight I'm 85% lesbian
He's ready to settle down, whereas I'm like "More shots please"
we've never stayed at a party for more than an hour. we always end up at a pizzaria. by ourselves. with no friends.
what else are best friends for?
just realized I'll be in a check out line with just Hershey syrup and condoms. I don't know if I am setting a good image for our generation
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