His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
Sorry for trying to give you my dresser last night. Are any of the drawers still in your car?
so you told her it was a 'nam scar? i mean, how old does she think you are.
I feel more comfortable going down on her then actually kissing her.
You're welcome to join, but just to warn you, tequila makes my clothes disappear. And I'm telling you that as an adult to an adult, not as your supervising teacher who decides whether or not you graduate.
Operation "Inform her family she stars in a sadistic lesbian porn film" is in full effect. She picked the wrong guy to cheat on.
Ten minute nap on a staircase honey badger don't care
I love you. Mom got to wasted at the wedding that she threw up on my shirt.
She seriously spent 30 minutes trying to make balloon animals out of my limp dick...
...
Exactly.
just peed on my shirt somehow, im calling it a day
Yeah I'm at the doctors getting a shotand don't know how to tell them I'm still probably drunk from last night
if i had known the extra weight would have gone to my tits, i would have started drinking years ago
So I fucked him. Then I MC Hammer'd to the bathroom, where I did the robot in celebration of my accomplishment. And then I spent 10 mins fixing my toilet. But YOLO.
Like I'm literally drinking whiskey and making a stocking for my cat right now. What. Goes. On.
So TMI but just realizing I have not masturbated since trump took office. He's sucked the sex drive out of me.
Put down the Captain Crunch and get over here. It’s a dickfest!!
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