We argued about the championship during sex. Absolutely the manliest moment of my life.
sudden memory flashback: you and i having sex on the bed, erin sitting naked in your desk chair drinking whiskey straight from the bottle while harassing you for your computer password to play some "mood music." high five. go us.
its safe to say i can delete the contact in my phone "brandon random bus make out" from spring break right?
You called me 32 times last night just to tell me you felt a heartbeat in your vagina?
Oh you know, watching its always sunny and petting his cat and NOT fucking. I'm starting my whorefree 2012 resolution early.
Are you around on Saturday? Feeling a trip over
Wet with either fear or sexual excitement
I think a mixture of both is appropriate
I walked into your room and you had fallen asleep smoking a cigarette. You just had the butt in your mouth with ash all over your face.
My ex wife just asked to go over our divorce papers and for sex in the same text
Like for real, is your junk ok? I have to look after my investments.
Seriously? You DON'T remember putting all those Swedish fish in the waffle iron b/c you wanted "One big Swedish fish?" That waffle iron was a wedding gift.
We did hand stand push-ups while beer bonging. Its now a thing
So how exactly do I backtrack from motorboating and ass grabbing?
I just got St Patricks day and the day after St Patricks day off, wich I'm pretty sure is as close to a raise as I'll ever get.
Who's the naked guy asleep in your car?
I think you'll appreciate my way of waking up today: Under my cubicle, boxed in by boxes of printer paper, and hung over. I don't even know how the fuck I got in here in the middle of the night. I went to my car and fell back asleep. I'm now 2 1/2 hours late.
Randomize
