just thought you should know that she got home at about 6am.... totally wasted. she was locked out and when i finally came to the door she was on a patio across the street with some random making hotdogs on somebodys elses bbq.
NO FUCKING WAY. PLEASE MAKE HER IMPLANT THAT POOR KID INTO A RESPONSIBLE UTERUS.
I hate this i feel like im wasting my youth here. I should be off hooking up with boys around the world and having awkward next morning convos in different languages!!
New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
I don't know where I am but there are firefighters
I'm actually glad you're quitting. Now there's one less person at work who's seen me naked.
My mom's mothers day present consisted of a card, chocolate and the rose bush I threw up in as I was getting in last night. She loved it.
When you started Hi-fiving people I knew u were fucking gone. You slapped some dude on the shoulder when he wouldn't hi-five you and he asked if he even knew you
dude you cant keep breaking into my house just to raid my fridge.. especially at 3AM.
I just set the shake weight record at the bar. 20 mins of that crap and drinking beer through a straw will get the job done. I also bet the bartender 100 bucks I could go shot for shot with him. The date for that event is TBA.
Sweet. Well pat yourself on the back this penis just burst back into the the game and the vaginas of millions
If you saw or spoke to me yesterday can you message me. Trying to make a timeline of the day I was too drunk to remember
After pissing all over her van its a lot easier to look her in the eye than I thought.
He shampooed and conditioned his pubes but can't manscape for shit.
There's a weed, money and oreo filled pinata promised for our party.
Randomize
