Ryan Howard.... the only guy who struck out more than me this weekend
After that we used the in-room hotel coffee pot to warm up some queso. it was brilliant
I met him yesterday and now he's wanting to hold hands and kiss in public. i hate this
I was sleeping on the bathroom floor and thought a wet towel might keep me warm.
I've decided, even as much fun as it sounds, I don't care for his sodomy box.
like a dude with a badge in a golf cart is gunna do shit. Unless he has a tazer. Then it's fair game.
You can't buy drugs with a ziplock bag full of quarters, chuck-e-cheese coins, and a starbucks giftcard.
watch me
I'm dressed like a deranged cupcake. Let's get fucked up.
Getting drunk and throwing things at people isnt the same with you not here. Remember when you dislocated my elbow and then popped it back in in one motion?
I swear to god little potato creatures live inside Belvedere bottles and claw at your throat as you swallow shots.
Wanna smoke some ancient weed I just found in a box of cake mix?
Wanna play whack-a-mole in my pants?
Your word choices worry me.
If more people understood that brunch is at 3pm the world would be a better place because you don't have to wake up early. Breakfast food is important
I was too lazy to get my chapstick out of my purse so i lubed up my lips with pizza grease. On a scale of 1-10 how embarassed should i be?
Remember that time you puked in the middle of wendy's?
Yeah, why?
The staff still remembers me for cleaning it up. Thanks for the free frosty and fries
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