He kept saying the best defense against a lion is to punch it in the throat.
I just signed a document stating that I would dd all summer if they would go pickup food.
he climbed up to our party on the 2nd floor balcony and then pulled a glass mug and a beer from his knapsack. these freshmen are intense
He's just giving off this "someone be a bitch to me" vibe
I'm just saying, no one has ever made me laugh or cum as hard as you do. Sometimes at the same time which I didn't know was possible. Is there even a word for that besides love?
I think I am calling out of work due to a hangover. I'm 96% sure there ISN'T tampon stuck inside me.
There is not enough soap in the world to make me feel clean after last night. Im gonna need jesus for this one
I didn't think four grown drunk men could cuddle on a twin size bed, but we found a way.
That guy has been pretty randomly in and out of my vagina for 4 years...I don't think I'm required to tell him when I'm dating.
Good point.
They have beer where we have blood.
Do not ever look at a picture of an erect ostrich penis. You will regret it.
I am literally watching TV with sunglasses on because the brightness hurts my hangover
I cannot pick him out of a line up. I remember he is blonde and his half flaccid dick looks like gonzo. So unless he pulls down his pants I don't know who he is
It took him 15 minutes to put the condom on.
Someone's gotta tell him drunk sex comes before dating
Randomize
