Some girl just toasted to friendship and love. I want to break her neck.
I managed to convince my mom that my hickey was a birth mark I have always had. She cried for an hour about being a terrible mother for never noticing it.
she kicked me out for pissing in the recycling bin. I mean, is it really THAT big of a deal?
just heard a tri-delta girl talking about her drunken escapades last weekend...it's like the exact plotline to a hardcore porno.
He def has a gf... But hes 7 feet tall and that superceeds any morality I may have.
I don't think you'd be able to understand Inception if you weren't high...
He got me an interview at his law firm and his boss asked him what he had to say about me. His response "He dates CRAZY bitches."
I ended up taking shots of whiskey and chasing them with potato wedges, I have never felt more Irish
I bought a 9 dollar purse from payless so if I throw up in it tomorrow, no biggie.
Tried to eat a sandwich this morning. Couldn't. My jaw is locked up. These marathon blow jobs are killing me
I just ate beer and cupcakes for breakfast.... maybe this fourth of july won't be so bad
You threw away your W2 to make more room in your purse for liquor.
Just did coke off my highschool yearbook. Not much has changed in 5 years.
You’d probably be happy to know that I think I’ve mastered the skill of knowing “my type” and then steering clear
FINALLY. I THOUGHT THIS DAY WOULD NEVER COME!
the coup got in the way of sex but inauguration day came thru we did it joe
Randomize
