well..after leaving the bar you handed me your wallet and said you didnt need it cause you were going to find the cash cab and added 'i'll see you on tv'
We made a percocet pizza. And then i made an unfortunate decision.
Dude, I found another chunk missing out of my tooth. Fuck drinking on tuesdays.
There's three frat guys comparing how you were in bed. apparently you have gotten worse with time
I need to figure out how to tell my doctor that I don't want to fix my possible fertility problems until AFTER I'm done whoring around in my 20s.
They wouldn't serve more then two Shots per person, so you grabbed a group of strangers and said u werre buying them all shots, then proceeded to drink all of them.
I'm gonna let my dick speak for itself from now on. Seriously, it's always recruiting for me even after 6 hours of drinking.
Things I want for my birthday 1. a Chipotle grade tortilla steamer 2. a new liver
Just found out that guy A from the threesome I had is now dating guy B's younger sister
Pretty sure my idea of standards went out the window when I hooked up with a guy who had a rooster tattoo with an arrow pointing down to his no no bits. Think about it.
When our dicks touched he made a lightsaber noise.
How is it that I, the only one that didn't drink last night, was the only one puking out the car window?
It's just unfortunate that I still have the image of him having sex with me fresh in my mind
THERE IS A VERY SMALL CHILD YELLING OUTSIDE OF MY DOOR. THE NEXT TIME YOU TELL ME YOUR TOO BIG FOR A CONDOM I'M GOING TO PUNCH YOU IN THE DICK.
What do you want. Tryin to service my husband like the good wife that I am. It is bj Tuesday
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