if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
Being pregnant is so damn inconvenient for my sex life.
Tried to buy Xanax from my boss last night. Wrong Mike.
I swallowed and made him pancakes in the morning. I feel almost as desperate as Jennifer Aniston at this point.
Did you know they have alcohol AND weed delivery in Canada??? I'm not EVER coming home
I need to stop taking drags of other peoples cigarettes, it's such a tease. Like playing just the tip, you just can't
IT'S FRIDAY. So quit being a pussy, get out of bed, and come help me drink these 40s. That's not a request.
I got kicked out of a mexican restaurant last night for being too drunk. This is getting dangerously close to rock bottom
You were definitely doing something right. You could only see the colored parts of his eyes a couple of times. I was pretty sure he was dead at some point.
This is worse then when all the pharmacists sang me happy birthday while I was buying plan b
I think you should just bang him and get it out of your system.
That's what you say about everyone.
we had a full conversation and he only brought up drugs twice. overall I'd call it a success
He didn't have much of a personality. But I had like 100 orgasms, so that's cool.
You had a 45min conversation with the Ronald McDonald statue I have the video to prove it
Randomize
