Old men and throwing up are my life now.
I am too pretty for them to be this angry at me.
Don't threaten to terrorize my ass hole unless you have to wherewithal to back it up
Depending on hangover severity. The fact that I can spell severity is in your favor.
I remember saying your puke looked like a jellyfish and you got very offended.
When everyone ask you tomorrow go ahead and tell them I'm the girl that fell of safe ride and was all bloody.
No. Dude. I didn't knoe it eas floibg to move. It's slepprru ixuy!
Girl this is ridiculous I told my self that I would stop having sex in stairwells yet it keeps happening
I know but at least you've never been asked to have sex dressed up like Catwoman
National champion athletes like gay butt sex, too. I'm just here to help them out.
Sad realization: so long as I use this sleep apnea machine, I will never be the little spoon!
It's best not to have your booty call on social media. So if they post stupid shit, you still want to fuck them.
Can we be gay Bert and Ernie for Halloween?
Bitch got stabbed in the eye. With a fork. Wait for it... At church. I was the only one at a party interested in her story. Only in the south
we were waffle house and a lady told me her imaginary friend was sitting in the chair next to her. i don't feel so trashy now.
Randomize
