the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
i just walked passed a table of guys by myself.. they looked @ me talked and then yelled 7
id pin you as more of an 8
last night we were having sex and i didn't care if i got off. i was just holding up my hand behind his head so i could look at my new ring. i think he knew.
You insisted on squirting shots of captain morgan in your mouth with a turkey baster by like 930.
Oh, and that ugly chick transformed into a veritable goddess when she came back at 3AM with a handle of vodka and 100 chicken wings
In light of your oncoming completion of twenty-three years of personhood, I feel a pressing need to blast country-pop phenomenon Taylor Swift's hit single "22" in your general direction until midnight.
Like I respect him so much I would suck his dick
In a very non respectful way
Also, your girlfriend apologized to me about yesterday. That was nice of the cunt.
I get off at 11. but they've been letting me go early cuz I've been crying a lot
It's a special kind of bond when your gay brother takes pics of you topless at a frat party.
Here's an unsolicited pic of my tits, because you almost died last night.
Remember how we use to say "this will be the year I'll get my shit together!" And like we stopped doing that because we know that isn't happening anytime soon.
I asked him to get me another beer, and he started making muffins.
Thanks for ruining my life with your man penis
If it's any consolation she turned out to be has a collection of clown dolls she talks to crazy. And the cops knew why I was calling when she key locked the door from inside.
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