Having your wife answer your cell was so lame. Maybe we can talk when you get your phone, your facebook account, and your balls back.
I need a slap back to reality. Or at least a slap back to homosexuality
There is no point in being painfully greyhound thin if you are then going to dress like it's raining in 1992.
on the way home the dog started throwing up her bone in the car..so naturally i started to puke too
The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
I cannot convey how much I really do love Chris Hansen. FYI: he is the JC Chasez of my adult years.
In hindsight buying the pill crusher with my vicodin prescription might have been too much.
using the campers leftover pizza money at the bar. Definition of great counselors right here.
Please stop using me as a reference for bail bondsmen.
Walk of shame. Stopped at an estate sale on the way back to the house. Old lady pulled a condom wrapper of the back of my hoodie. beat that
I ordered a VEGAN pizza, because it gets here the fastest, just so I could get a 2 litre of Coke. For my whiskey.
As I was about to go to sleep he asked me if I was ready to 69. HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK AT HIM IN THE FACE OVER DINNER TOMORROW
U can be a future sentaor's wife if you want. I'm happy with "closet lesbian", "tech prof".and "masters degree" all rolled into one. Drunken bar escapades pay off.
i thought you were just a really comfy body pillow until i sobered up. oops.
When your guy changes his swinger profile to include you. #makingprogress
Randomize
