i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
There is a mermaid on oprah and she looks nothin like ariel
I told him to show me what he was made of and he came on my face. law students are so technical.
Word to the wise: learn how to ask "What is my bail posted as" in French before traveling abroad.
I may be in pain from falling off the roof but getting to the morning roof keg was well worth it.
The gay viking and his eqyptian 'queen' hooked up on our couches. They pushed them together to make a bed. Innovative, but awkward to come home from work to at 7 am.
You mAke me stone. Stone fuck fucking stoned. I'm an stoned you cuz now fucking stoned stoned fucking stoned I stone.
I guess crabs is what I get for sleeping with my ex.
In order to see him, he made me facetime with his penis, which he had drawn a smile face on. Getting laid shouldn't be this difficult.
I know you just got dumped by your gf but believe there is still good in the world. I just smoked a joint and took a fucking unbelievable poop. Give me a call tomorrow.
I just found a piece of dried shredded carrot on my bed
probably because i sent a bunch of guys a snap saying happy one year to my nipple piercings
What use have I for dignity? It just get's in the way of the really fun stuff.
We could just go to Vegas and celebrate my singlehood and not contributing to the population.
Reverse road head. Sa-witch!!!
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