Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Wtf?
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
It took you an unbelievable amount of time to realize that your ass was on fire.
he calls his bong barack obonga, commander in kief. i found where i belong.
I might have a beer. Just to keep this hangover on its toes.
I cant leave dude. theres a horse with a top hat on
It may be that your sole purpose in life is simply to serve as a warning to others..
Whiskey shot with bacon bits, our version of Goldschlager WE ARE TRYIN IT.
Dude, sorry for live texting you my binge drinking. If you'd like me to do the same for my hangover, I can share that I just had to sit down while q-tipping my ears.
Dude you couldnt even talk, you just kept hiccuping and slamming your head on the wall.
It was just like old times except for going to hangover throw up before waking my parents up to open presents. Merry Christmas!
Yeah...don't think he was sober. He kept screaming "I fucking love this game!". It was his Chase app.
We just won 1800 at the casino and are going to the strip club. Who gives a fuck if it's 5pm
He was gunna drive a half hour for a makeout sesh. Time to take the diapers off and learn about the wonders of the penis, dude
The only person more miserably hungover from the party is the dog, and that's because he ate some balloons
We just had sex in the shed while having a conversation about cheeseburgers...so that's how my day is going
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