I feel odd... a had sex with a chick and she keept her socks on...
if i get the "i'm engaged" text one more time, i'm going to shoot myself in the face so my cats won't eat it when i die alone.
The tricky part is not getting sand in any orifices. Or is the plural orifi? Orifi don't, we'll both be unhappy...
the last thing i remember is you screaming lets hunt humans.
all you kept saying from the spare room was "can you bring me a puke bowl...and the cat"
We uncovered another pile of vomit after you left. And i am not talking about the one in the vase
Telling me that I would make a great "occasional fuck" was not appreciated.
Didn't get to fuck her. Had to leave abruptly through window. Explain later.
He came in both my eyes, then refused to give me a towel unless I found him by playing Marco Polo
I think the guy I was trying to dance with was an undercover cop...
I woke up in my living room, on the floor, wearing nothing but a fur coat?
So, seriously. How does it feel to know that you're riding a cock that was in kindergarten when you were going to prom?
Is it sacrilegious to take tequila shots on Saint Patrick's day?
I just used my sisters cheerleading plaque and a children's book to crush up painkillers to snort. Happy Friday
The cat was building a spaceship out of the carpet, my legs were cans of tomato sauce, and there was something else in that pot you gave me.
Randomize
