Drinking wine. Reading twilight. On a Friday night. Biggest loser contest. First Place.
At what number of girls whose last names are stored in your phone book as drinking establishments does it become excessive?
She just asked me if her C-section scar turned me on.
And "sexual slave/chef" was as it turns out not a real career choice...
I'm wearing your poncho, and only your poncho. I'm not getting pulled over like this.
You are going to come home to a suitcase in the fridge. Just go with it.
EVERYTHING IS DISNEY. Even my sexting can lead to Disney.
High-fiving last weekend's hook up in passing on the way to class has given me quite the lady boner.
good news: smoking weed at school again, quality of life has improved drastically
The Royals are in the World Series. I've never drank so much in one week in my life.
so hungover i had to get off the train to puke, rallied and went to work. not sure if that's an adulting win or fail
I don't want to be drunk any more. Can you hit the off switch?
Okay so I just had a really great idea
no.
Hope everything goes ok. If it makes you feel better, I straightened vomit into my hair and killed a bird earlier.
Quickly hiding the condom wrappers, ropes, and handcuffs right before the parents arrive to help with moving out? Priceless.
Randomize
