Dude I wish you were here. I'm innthe back seat and it looks like outer space and everything feels like rice. idk. wtf.
he just told me about his fetish for rubbing grape jelly on his penis.
Nope, didn't see her. We left when you told us you were going to make the " big beef burrito supreme" even more supreme and you took your dick out.
I just punched cris angel in the balls. I have photos.
Of course drinkings involved. They don't call it alcoholism because we eat too many skittles.
They sat me on college avenue with a puke bucket and people were mistakenly throwing change in it. Got me enough money take a cab back to my apartment.
I no longer believe that the road to self esteem is through his penis.
You're wearing a hospital gown and pearls. Let's reevaluate your life.
You're telling that to the kid drinking Jack in nothing but a graduation cap
Is it too forward if I ask him to bring a condom when he comes over to work on our project?
I wish I could say this wasn't the first time I shit myself in a Piggly Wiggly.
I swear to God if you start calling your dick “my pegasus” we’re not friends anymore
Dude.. She just busted into my house wearing a ski mask, a poncho, and thigh-high pink hooker boots and yelled, "THE CABS ARE HEEERRREEE!!"
the cop said "drunk and disorderly" like it was a bad thing
no dude he sent me cemetery flowers, i know it. they are half dried out roses in the shape of a cross, seriously. and he is not religious. so he robbed a freaking grave site for me. am i like an accessory to grave robbing now??
damnit this is what you get for dating guys with neck tattoos
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