You give one guy a hand job and suddenly everyone wants to get with you
A chick at the bar last night took my black berry, looked at my Brick Breaker score and told me she couldnt take someone that has a lower score than her seriously.
I want someone to please me without me having to show him steps 1 through 5
The police scanner is talking about you again....
He's eating a cream cheese sandwich. He's obviously distressed.
The Vegas crew is in two groups, Team Vodka and Team Fireball. There is no winner in this.
Seriously I just dipped a banana in vodka I really need to stop drinking
Made a pan flute out of the varyingly empty beer bottles on the table. Played a glorious tune that paid tribute to the winds.
I give you full permission to fuck a rando on my air mattress.
I just rolled a blunt and took my bra off. I'm not going anywhere.
Do me a favor and don't mention him I feel like Regina George and I just want to scream I made him
I got pulled over by the same cop in a 4.5 hour window. Got off both times. Fuck yes.
I WILL KICK YOU IN THE FUCKING THROAT IF YOU EAT MY FUCKING ICE CREAM.
I think she lost me at about the point where the words “Ice Cream Enema” were spoken.
I just want to get high and watch Dr. Pimple Popper.
Randomize
