Lesson learned: don't hide your vodka in your little brothers toy box.
And then I chipped his tooth because I got too into it. Helloo, single life.
Have $25 to my name but it's $2 pitchers. I have no choice but to go.
drunk enough to think that masterbating in the pool is an awesome idea
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
He got punched in the face, dropped his laptop down a flight of stairs, and broke his roommate's lava lamp, getting all the toxic lava goo everywhere. This is why we don't let him get drunk. And yet here we are.
I need moral support for this bender
There is a positive side to a sinus infection. Exclusively cowgirl sex. I've convinced her I'd pass out if I had to do the work.
Hurry there's four guys dressed up as a bachelorette party, one has a condom veil and the rest are selling candy bouquets and asking if anyone wants to get laid for $5
there's an entire drinking game devoted to nobody liking her face
The cat just walked up and made eye contact with me while I had sex. I'm going to have to burn the house down with him in it.
I'm gonna chug this bud light an might injure this high school penis, like I'm 17 again
Right, try not to commit a felony that costs more than 4 dollars cause that's all I have in my bail jar.
For a guy who won't fuck me, your dick is out a lot when we talk.
There is an episode of "how it's made" on tv right now. The subject is tequila and water beds. Basically my life.
Randomize
