i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
i wonder if detective benson from law and order takes those handcuffs home. i bet she does.
Dude I just heard my boss singing from the bathroom "I love making poop"
I didnt realize til after I got out of her apartment and into the lobby that we lived in the same building.
He set 8 alarms to make sure I took my birth control on time..
it's official, after last weekend my girl number is higher than my guy number. fix this.
No, not at all. Pulling a condom out of your vag at 2pm is NOTHING like finding $10 in your winter coat. Stop trying to make me feel better.
Sometimes I wish I could open my skin and just take a little peek at my liver. You know, just to see if it's rotten yet or still perfect looking.
The venue for the new years party is close to the hospital for obvious reasons.
I can always see lesbian subplot. It's my hero ability.
It was like, once I started flashing you, I couldn't stop.
Can I borrow your google glasses to make a sex tape?
get your sex hands out of my capn crunch
he yelled at me like a drill sergeant while I quickly tried to take off my pants
I jumped the fence at the bar last night. My dress got stuck and I ended up flashing the entire patio for a good 30 seconds.
At the 10 second mark everyone started to whistle and cheer. Free drinks all night
Randomize
