My secretary told me she wishes she can have an affair with someone in the office (she's separated from her cheating husband)...Umm...Okaaay
ugh the "ive seen you naked on the internet" look is really getting tiring
some people wear their heart on their sleeve but you just wear your vagina on your face.
All he was doing was sitting in the car, staring. We asked him what was wrong and he just turned, smiled, and said "everything has its own pair of boots"
Isn't it statistically impossible for THAT many ugly people to be in one place at one time?
Just found a ramen cup in the stall and all of the showers running with no one in them. WHERE ARE YOU?
Did you get my bra back of the bartender?
I seriously think we need to revision your idea of 'keeping a low profile'
My drunken abilities have only improved since college....I can navigate the streets of chicago like no ones business, do push-ups to hail a taxi and instantly become an mma fighter after 3 shots of hennessy
He peed in the bird bath. Those birds are gonna be pissed
The amount of drugs I did this weekend make me concerned about my health but at the same time fascinated to see if I could do more
I smell like bonfire and ex-boyfriends
I've had 5 hours of sleep and I still smell like sex with the Colonel. I don't appreciate spontaneity.
we had sex while we waited for the thai food... a which will come first type of situation
It's only 9 and these two girls are already walking around Walmart barefoot and holding their heels. WE NEED TO STEP IT UP.
Despite evidence suggesting otherwise, it turns out max is 100%straight.
Randomize
