apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
We can't ever have kids because there's a chance that they'll end up just like us.
I don't know what I could have possibly done in a past life to deserve watching my boyfriend projectile vomit margaritas and probs blood while completely naked.
just passed a tour group on my way home. the guide actually said: 'and THAT kids is whats known as the walk of shame'
The first song on his sex mix was "highway to the danger zone"
in light of our recent drunken behavior, i think it's time we seriously consider hiring ourselves a babysitter.
He insisted on us having sex while watching the biggest loser and asked me if I could "resist the temptation".
the whole story woulnd't be so depressing if i had made out with ANYONE but the piano player.
Most awkward car ride ever. Kid in the front seat was bawling, 2 in the backseat were ready to fight, and I was giving the last kid a handie. This needs to stop happening to us.
I may have made out with a tranny last night, which, if I don't get fired for everything else that happened, really makes last night epic.
Can you get the drug form of snow for the blizzard this weekend?
For once I am not in the mood. My vagina is good with life at the moment.
The apocalypse has arrived.
I'm so cold without your freakishly high body temperature
that's the equivalent to a normal girlfriends. 'I miss you' btw
I feel like your boyfriend deserves to know that you're a lesbian.
All I know is when I asked you how many fingers I was holding up, you said "Hippo"
Randomize
