I think im going to throw up on grandma
I guess so. I don't really give a fuck. I think I'm going to jerk off really loudly tonight just to keep them on their toes
He sat on a barstool and did the robot for 3 hours - I'm pretty sure he enjoyed himself.
You were passed out on the chair and when I asked you if you were okay you looked up and said "I'm fine, I was just pretending for a picture" then passed out again.
And your hair- I'd make sure to pee on it first.
I should have known I was in trouble when you started pouring shots all over me
Beer lympzucs are ki7lling me
Her vagina smelt so bad I lied and told her that I was married just so that she would leave.
I AM THE KING OF THE FRESHMEN
how did i know this would happen?
From what I hear, her blowjob factory was runninng at full capacity this weekend.
Drunkkker than when I told the drag queen she was prettier than me
I woke up in a chipotle parking lot with an industrial sized box of condoms and a bag of dounut holes. I need Jesus
Any man who can do squats while fucking you is a man worth keeping.
Actually new year, new me. I haven’t had sex yet so technically I’ve been a virgin all year.
i'm currently watching a guy eat a bunch of cacti and i have lost all faith in humanity
**cactuseses
Randomize
