I'm drinking till I'm someone else's problem
I just fired a shotgun out of the back of a truck going 60. i am going to miss oregon.
i love that we sang a whole new world together while you carried me through campus
everyday i am more and more thankful i can still check the no box for "have you ever been convicted of a felony?" on applications
For some reason, my father is not responding to the 5 texts I sent him that all read: "Dad dad dad dad dad dddaadd dddddaaaaaaaaad dad".
You're just mad at the fact that I want to be a car alarm.
frankly if you're gonna get kicked out of your place, hooking up with your gay roommate's boyfriend would be the most entertaining way to do it.
Apparently I was the fucked up drunk guy greeting people at the hotel in the lobby last night.
Chilling on my porch debating between pre work drinking or video games and getting high.
Look outside and see if the septic tank explodes when I flush this.
How do you delicately ask if your friend's dad was arrested for solicitation of prostitution?
I swear to go if the response she sends me something along the lines of who the fuck is Mark Hamill I might need to brake up with her.
I say camping because "let's go get hammered in the woods" sounds kinda fucking weird to be honest.
Shit. My boss is having me meet and greet with the new doc upstairs. Do you think his doctor powers will detect that I'm still high?
Had a dick customer and the words "eat my ass" slipped out. He proceeded to lick his lips and say present it. I think it's time I quit.
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