Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
Passed out on a playground for a while before trying to break into the elementary school. Erica thought her captain tasted like cat food, so she poured her bottle into her cat's dish and proceeded to eat it like cereal.
You win. Erica always eats cat food.
i just threw up a quarter into the urinal in the bathroom at the bar. everybody else stared then cheered. that drunk
he had a TATTOO on his FACE. a tattoo on your face basically says "i've gone as far in society as i'd like to."
Had a dream I was a monkey and smoked pot out of a bong made out of a tree
When she was giving me head last night it felt like there was a NASCAR pit crew working on my dick.
You were wasted and fell in a pond when you met him, it's not like you were on top of your game
she gave me one of those friendship bracelets and said as long as I wore it it was like an all-access pass to her vagina
There's a lady here with a big bag of dildos. I'm not sure that's appropriate bar baggage but, I like her style
Ya I guess if we compared our actions now with our actions 2 years ago. We are definitely in a constant state of shit showness.
This guy punched out a light, puked in the sink, stole the mailbox, then tried to tell ME that I had to leave the party... Then his dog shit on the floor.
I told him finishing at the same time would be a long-term project. Like flipping a house. A sexual house.
I biked home blackout drunk last night, but I have some memory of throwing my bike in a rage when I couldnt get it down the stairs. No idea on the bright orange puke in the sink.
I couldn't even tell you how many times I've said "wrong hole" today
to be fair i didnt know she wanted to sleep with me
WHY THE FUCK ELSE WOULD SHE DRAG A STRAIGT MAN INTO A VICTORIA'S SECRET CHANGEROOM GODDAMMIT
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