You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype
you kept saying 'can i put my penis on the grill?' and it was all i could do to stop you. you're welcome, though
His whole family saw that I had cum in my hair once they turned on the blacklight at the bowling alley. You should have seen his mother's face.
All I know is that it's pretty damn mean to put a glass wall in a bar.
My patience ran out after you started clapping at the strippers everytime they took off a piece of clothing.
He sent me a picture of his dick with a cowboy hat on it.
wore my lacy blue thong that says "hello there" across the front today for my gynecologist appointment. I live to make people uncomfortable
I spent the whole weekend building houses out of popsicle sticks for my bowls. How was your weekend?
Psh a bachelors degree is the new adulthood. We're all just pretending anyways. I'm sitting on my boyfriends couch while he's passed out drunk. In my lap. On a Wednesday. And he's a nurse. See, pretending to be an adult
He just got here and all he's wearing is a cloth over his penis.
I'll uninvite my mom
My mom just sent me this: "I like Jon, but he needs to be the one going down on you! Yeah, we saw your head pop up in your car last night."
We put your drunk ass to bed. 10 minutes later we heard you scream "DICK-PUNCH!!!" It was immediately followed by a shriek of pain and crying. So to answer your question; no, that's not "sex soreness".
So how did it go?
I'm not sure if it was all the eggnog or all the alcohol, but hosting an eggnog pong tournament was a mistake.
They were so sore! Either I have bed bugs or you were biting my nipples last night and don't lie to me.
What happened to you last night?
SO. MANY. SHOTS.
Randomize
