Yeah but if I do that, I'd have to buy my own stomach pump for the house. That doesn't seem like a great thing to have sitting on the coffee table.
you just broke rule number 1. If you can't lift her up don't date her
Dude, just discovered frito and mozzarella nachos. Don't say I never contributed anything to this world.
I think I'm making progress on my commitment issues. I drunk made out with the same guy from last semester this weekend.
Penises. Penises everywhereeeeeeeee. Penis ratio is sooo disproportionate. I can't NOT get laid tonight.
Two girls just making out in the elevator. Didn't stop when the doors opened. Part of me didnt mind, but part did. Bc I wanted to get on the elevator without it getting awkward. Am I gay?
Just had a brita power hour to try to counter act all the wine i chugged last night.....fucking franzia
For future reference, Twizzlers CAN leave welts.
Random question, but did I leave a spoon on your dresser last night?
So you're on like a list there now..."Do not under any circumstances give this person a knife. Serve them in plastic cups ONLY"
Word my sister pulled through for me and brought vodka shooters for the plane. its about to be a sloppy 4 hours
Are you done yet? I've eaten three corndogs so I'm ready 2 party.
I mean, if you want to light yourself on fire for maximum accuracy, far be it from me to stop you
Drugs and unwanted pregnancies are the only things that I'm good at. College comes in at a close third.
i just used your hair clip to unclog my bong. i miss you so much!
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