Im in Brooklyn, he wasnt 23 or a musician pick me up
In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up.
this is the last time we take the mathletes drinking.
I just walked past a woman in the bar stroking a mans crotch, yelling 'I made this. I made this happen.'
I woke up to my dog puking on my bed. Looks like it was a successful night for us all.
He stole a bottle of grenadine from the bar. And got arrested. His new cell mate is going to love his bright red lips.
Being at this stripclub only reinforces how single I am. And I was *just* becoming okay with that.
I've had balls on my face twice in last 48 hours and I STILL haven't got laid!
Realized it was likely to be cursed, didn't want my own Johnson magically turning into some sort of fire breathing reptile and eating me
That is an interesting fear as well as image
Note to self: don't practice nerdy white girl dance choreography in the company bathrooms no matter how nice the huge mirrors and lighting are.
Omg this is like trying to sleep on a pile of ballsacks.
Question #1: Why am I on my living room floor? Question #2: Where did the bloody footprints come from? Question #3: Why are there two McChickens next to the wine bottle?
Sorry I didn't call this morning. Ended up with a decorated war veteran last night who besides finding the enemy, KNEW where the fuck my G spot was. He gets a medal in my book!
I think i should either cut my hair or buy a dildo.
It says something about our relationship that he stole your phone to tell me about his dick at 3am and neither of us realized that wasn't you until just now
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