if creeping was an olympic sport, i would be a lock for the gold right now.
that sweater is a total boner killer. you might as well be wearing a wedding dress.
they have pregnancy tests at the dollar store
I feel like that is one of those things that you should not cheap out on.
if im not pregnant im gonna be so pissed for spending the money from my weed fund on the test
wow, a mother in the making
I don't know what he sees in her. All I see are horrible pancake nipples
I don't know what's worse: going to the liquor store at 9am or knowing that its open at 9am
I'm soaked in beer, and I think blood. Why did we think we could tap a keg with a hammer?
there's a picture of you and pauly shore at a starbucks on my phone
I think that the jello shots in bowls is where it all went wrong.
Mandatory 420 Adventure Time.
This is why we're friends.
Am I allowed to be in denial about being gay again? Or is that one of those things you can't do?
Check 'smoke weed with our ihop waiter' off of our To-Do List
well I've taken an Uber to my weed dealers twice in the past 2 weeks so it's going well since I sold my car
She drank my rum. I had sex in her bed and didn't wash the sheets. We're even.
On cleanup... i've counted 94 solo cups so far.. oh, and i found a miniature top hat in the microwave
Randomize
