you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
My roommate still talks on AIM. What is this middle school?
And i generally try not to roofie people when I'm in a committed relationship.
I just opened up the mens room door to a dude pissing in the urinal and pointing at himself in the mirror
Being a responsible DD does not include attempting to coordinate a 4 taxi caravan to bar #3
dude that bald bouncer just did a body shot off of brian and then kicked us out for trying to charge him for it
Shit. We're going to have to drink until they're cute
Hello cirrhosis
private study room at the lib turned into byob study room. that turned into battle royale and eric impaling his leg on a pen.
Was my mother there when I broke the stipper pole?
Well I think won that argument, as the cops were leaving, they offered me a ride to the airport
Hey I'm sorry for head butting you last night. Personally I thought it was funny at the time, but I can see how from your perspective it may not have been as enjoyable for you... Hope your lip is okay.
this morning's inventory: a top hat, two empty bottles of everclear, half a slim jim, cigars, tiara, pot necklace, and some fishnets. and that's just my purse.
I sprayed his whole room with my perfume and left lots of my hair on the bed. So now if he does bring her home, the bitch will know this territory is marked.
I canceled a date last night to eat pop tarts and go to bed early
I'm sorry about the fire. I was too fucked up to do science, apparently.
Randomize
