Good to know: if a hot girls asks to go back to my place, she probably just needs to vomit all over my bathroom
Chipotle...archenemy of the gay man. Cockblocking me since 1997
He just came in my nostril. Never look down when a guy is pulling out during missionary.
did you by any chance leave me that 7 minute long voicemail of you running and constantly tripping into bushes?
Let's learn from last year: Leave the handcuffs at home on St Patrick's Day.
him being a republican bothers me way more than his coke problem.
Do you think we could brew coffee with beer? I'm thinking a hazelnut Guinnesspresso can only end with pure awesome.
Novelty of the week: Getting my lipstick back in an evidence bag
HOW DID ALL OF US MISS THE OBVIOUS: I'LL SHAKE YOUR SPEARE
I just watched videos of people getting puppies and crying, I cried too. Definitely still drunk
The stall at this bar had mirrors all around. I just looked at myself take a shit from like 3 different angles
Your vagina needs to teach my vagina its ways.
Someone messaged me on POF and wished me a Happy International Women's Day. Why do I even bother anymore?
And somehow i feel like your expectations will turn out to be illegal in some way.
I dunno. The drunker I get, the easier econ gets. I may be onto something here.
Randomize
