you were going around the whole club telling people to smell ur purse
Just a heads up. Everytime I get arrested in Maine I claim I lost my ID and use your name.
Moral of the story: don't get pregs or your chances in the beer league are over
i wish the dell website had a "did you drink an entire bottle of rum and stepped on your laptop which shattered the screen this weekend and would like to know how to fix it without your parents finding out FAST?" link on their homepage.. i can't be the only one
Whatever. It was high school. Back then I'd blow anyone who had enough room between their chest and their steering wheel for my head to fit.
i mean, what better way to remind him of his failures in life than to fuck his roommate/fraternity brother?
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
Hypothetically how does one go about throwing away a dildo?
literally just tried sending to someone a video of me jerkin but my phone was connected to Apple TV and it literally just played on the tv in a full room and I'm actually about to shit myself
That awkward moment when you are on your way to ICU and the only sympathy gift you can think of is beer and whiskey
I don't work there anymore. If they had Prince themed dildo parties i never would have quit
I still can't believe I was army crawling thru his backyard at 2am..
I'm sharing a breakfast burrito w my uber driver
I'm surprised this is your first encounter with pepper spray. surprised, and somewhat proud.
May I the honors of taking your dick tonight?
The honor would be all mine.
Randomize
