We were so bored at work tonight that we were in dry storage taking turns pouring the boxed wine we use for cooking into each others' mouths. I think I'm starting to understand the "problem" aspect of "drinking problem."
i asked him to tell me something nice and he said "your vagina is really tight."
puking up blue gatorade is not as nearly as much fun as it sounds
if you wouldnt have been fucking me hard and crazy like that then my bed wouldn't have broke. you owe me 600.
so you admit it was good then??
I've realized that my life is in no way structured to be compatible with monogamy. I'm not adjusting to this well.
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawnmower thinking of you
Top reasons to NOT leave jessica to her own devices : 1. Drinking becomes a competitive sport ( in which she is the only one competing) 2.big girl words= no worky 3. Whiskey refuses to be a good friend (as much as she insists ). 4. Waking up at six a.m. still in her swim suit is super awkward. 5. It isn't a fun game to figure out which person she gave her number to and 6. Yesterdays eyeliner doesn't look good today.
I really just want to stuff him in my purse, take him home, feed him pudding or applesauce and brush his hair. That's not creepy, right?
Can we talk about the fact that I plucked weed off your ass this morning like it's a normal thing to do?
you ate dog biscuits in front of my dogs and laughed at them for not have opposable thumbs
we played a my little pint drinking game. It was awesome.
And the next morning he asked me why I had clothes on so I said so that he could take them off again.
We can't shop at Hobby Lobby anymore. They don't like Plan B which basically runs through our veins.
Moms love me. I'm the reminder that they need to turn safe search on.
Can't talk, ducks in the car
Randomize
