im sorry i didnt take advantage of you..iwaned to
i wanted you to too
I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
i have wind burn on my face from my head hanging out the window of the cab vomitting
Don't know how I even got in. I pulled my id out and threw it at the bouncer, and he just picked it up, checked it, and let me in.
Please tell me I did not ask the bartender how big his dick was.
I feel like my teeth are caked on with other teeth. What did I just smoke?
but they dont look like handprints. looks like someone had a boxing match with my tits and my tits lost
I was cracking open beer cans, throwing them off the roof, and yelling "FRAG OUT!"
He skipped an important family function with his dying father to fuck me. Terrible human, amazing fuck buddy.
He seems like a lot more than a waste of tequila
What type of bandaid should I use on my clit
We'd like to invite you to our threesome! Lingerie is encouraged and drinks will be provided. Next Friday, roommate night, my bedroom. Hope to see you there!
My New Years resolution is actually to be MORE petty
it's like the easy bake oven version of plastic surgery
I woke up and couldn't find her. She had somehow managed to get into the closet and lock herself in. She was crying for her boyfriend. Thirsty Thursday at its finest
Randomize
