well, atleast the road to alcoholism is fun.
captain morgan taught me last night that resee's puffs are way better when eaten straight out of the sink.
it would be nice to just get drunk, not hook up with anyone, and not die this weekend
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
Still want to know how you got back last night? Two Campus Security Officers carried you in around 430. Your pants were around your ankles.
I hate Sailor Jerry.
The pastor just stopped the sermon to lay hands on me. THAT hungover.
You realize that if you get murdered while we're talking, I'm gonna have to explain to your next of kin why the last thing on your phone is a picture of my boobs.
Sitting in my kitchen at 3am, craving dick and eating peanut butter instead. I'm not sure how I feel about being 27.
I didn't think it was possible but he dislocated his thumb during intercourse last night then cried
Serious concern: will TSA confiscate my bondage rope?
i have too much dick at my disposal? i should make them fight. best dick pic gets laid
Walking into her house she felt something in her bra.... It was a used condom. Sadly enough this is not the first or last time it will happen. It's time for an intervention.
Should I rub the neighbors amazon package in the dog shit they left on the front steps?
Apparently I have a "problem" because I enjoy doing bong rips in the shower
Dude I'm fucking tired of freshman, there are god damn teeth marks on my dick again
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