I drank enough to make her look pretty . . It worked and i threw up while going at it
I bet he comes in French.
Just did a shot to pluto being a planet again. I love science.
You scratched my dick last night. It deserves an apology and I fell that actions speak louder than words when it comes to apologies like this.
after that, he'll be sure to remember me. i'll probably forget him, but that's the way it should be.
He's such a gentleman. He didn't even ask why my bra was flung on the seat of my car. He just took my snow brush, pushed it onto the floor and said, "Let's go I'm hungry."
Girl on the bus just slammed her book shut, turned to me and said "I'm way to fucking high to be studying"
hes supposed to be my fuck buddy. im not supposed to see him on his knees praying by my bed when i walk into my room.
I'm gonna take my bong and hot box the pirate ship in the daycare playground.
He ripped off my pantyhose and all I could think was, "oh no those were clinic-appropriate!" That's what I get for ditching a continuing education meeting to go hook up with my scuba instructor.
you know she was a bad idea when your mom offers to pay for an eHarmony account
It's 4:30 AM and I just walked through a line of 10 deer without them freaking out. I am the campus deer king.
just the thought of you slurpin down noodles really rustles my jimmy
you suck at sexting
So vagazzling was a success
I'll give you one guess. It has a cock and I want it
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