Oh my god you would drunk register for a marathon.
I just saw a midget ride by on a scooter...wearing a bowtie and a helmet. My life is complete.
He looks like Spencer from the game Dreamphone
He said if I stayed the night he'd take me to church in the morning.
my cup is half full, half full of rum.
You stumbled in at 10am, half-clothed and still drunk from last night and yelled "well, its not called a walk of pride!", then passed out on the couch.
She liked to slap me in the face while she was on top. All I can say is that big boobs can excuse a lot.
Survival tip #3: while you're hooking up with him, don't say he reminds you of his brother
I was just too high to be in rapids man. I just screamed for the entire time I was jostling about.
Though I feel a moral obligation to take you there, point out all of the male supervisors and slap you on the wrist and yell, "NO!!"
Just woke up, shitty hungover, and realized that every article of clothing I slept in was backwards, bra included. Fuck you, gin. Fuck you.
What's the polite way to say "hey I don't actually want to fuck you, I just swiped right on you because you didn't like me in high school and I needed validation"
No, I didn't meet up with him! That's when I had chlamydia.
I got wing sauce on the baby and licked it off. If you were wondering how I'm doing.
I’m really regretting these suede pants.
Randomize
