And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
I love that she's always that person who people think it's a good idea to invite her to something. and then she's there and you realize, "nope."
I just washed champagne and tuna off my body. I feel like that was a successful shower.
she ate the whole pudding cup using only her tongue. i'm considering going lesbian for her
I woke up this morning peeing out bubbles . I smell like baby wash . What the hell happened .
I was rolling balls and tried to donate blood as an act of kindness to the sick person who would receive it
I think that last shot was nyquil. Please come gte me. WINGS.
I really hope jumping jacks prevent pregancy because I'm kind of banking on it right now, do you know why there's a unicycle in the corner of my room?
Dude. I knoww what ur thinking. Yes, your hand hurts. It's because you fell through a window. If and when you wake up, go to the hospital.
Brilliant thought; pill pong.
What could go wrong?
I doubt she'll sponsor it. You know alcohol and fireworks don't mix, right?
It's okay. We're not going to soak the fireworks in alcohol. The alcohol is for drinking.
Is it morally wrong to give today's hookup a Krispy Kreme from yesterday's hookup or is it just fat love?
She called to say the cops were not fake cops. some one has to go get her in an hour
I'm about to play another round of who's panties are in my car.
ELLEHCIM
NYRMAK
DRAHCIR
WHAT??
Randomize
