I am at the point in my high where i now know/understand chinese.
dude i'm inner monologue high
I haven't shaved so I have to behave myself. I'm going to do this from now on.
I texted her sayin "I gotta brush my teethn then Im omw" maybe hint to do the same
My farts smell like St. Pauli Girl. Last night was too much for a Monday.
I got my parents high. They've been watching spongebob for six hours. You cannot tell me I'm not the favorite
He practically bottle-fed me Jameson, like I was a baby chimpanzee on those nature specials.
I don't know which is a more impressive stolen object. The couch from a sheer logistical viewpoint, or the parking meter because i'm pretty sure that's a federal offence.
Does the blue bra belong to your sister or cousin?
Dude just texted me asking if I could drive 45 mins for a quickie dude use your hand
I would fuck him just for his dog
I'm definitely drunk. At the gyno. On my birthday. Life is a joooooooke
Remember, today is also the anniversary of Harambe's death. D**** out.
That awkward moment when you were so fucking drunk lastnight that you and your fuck buddy wake up wearing eachother's clothing covered in hot cheetos with his cat curled up between your heads meowing. Thought you'd appreciate this moment with me.
Let me set the mood for you. Do you remember Britney Spears in her Hit Me Baby One More Time era? Well I just fucked this college girl I shit you not her name is Persephone and she looks exactly like Britney Spears back when she was hot. I might be in love.
Randomize
