Your dad touched me again.
Have you ever noticed how boring internet porn is after you cum? I can't shut my computer fast enough.
My T9 text prediction thing keeps predicting every next word is going to be "midgets".
He literally didn't stop until I lost count of how many times he made me orgasm. It took three hours.
The gyno asked how many partners i've had... I said ummmm she goes ok then i'll just put down ten.
Would it be a dick move to report the suite next-door for a noise violation? They're singing Bad Romance off-key and I'm not sure if I can allow that.
Remind me to switch to jello when you decide to do shots off my ass. It's so much easier to clean than this pudding.
Things I learned last night: 1. Bacardi 151 is a one-way ticket to the toilet, 2. It is possible for a human being to turn into Mount Vesuvius
The walls are thin & apartments are narrow so all the bedrooms are next to each other. Our complex could compete in synchronized orgasms.
Listen man, there's two things I know about in life: porn and sound. On a day that I'm wearing khakis, I need you to trust that I know what the fuck I'm doing.
after you got high, you started to make guac with your bare hands and said: "there's soda bubbles in my legs"
for once I'd like a one night stand where I don't meet the guys mom or wife in the morning
Ok you had this coming you put a sponsored filter on a dick pic
You stumbled in the door as high as a kite, & ran into the table. I asked you if you were all right. You replied with "I don't have any soup."
Her cat was breathing in my ear all night, like that kid from Hey Arnold.
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