i luv seein jocks study. its like watching monkeys masturbate.
Today's lesson: while in the shower, one should choose between either drinking OR shaving. Not both.
We are two peas in an std pod
I'll just dance on top of the ping pong table, and if it's stable enough for that, then it's stable enough for sex
130 PACKAGES of glow sticks! The going rate of a rave is $38.30! GET READY FOR THE GLORGY!!!!!!!!!!!!
isn't that the guy who always buys you drinks?
yeah. i love a man who still buys me drinks after the bar cuts me off.
next time on intervention
I know shes my ex. And I know she punched me in the face and stole my car to go get drunk. But it's the best sex I've ever had.
You're sick. Take pictures if you can.
Nothing says "I support my fellow man" like taking your friends recently divorced dad to a strip club and bar hopping with us to get him laid by an upgrade.
Just got outta the drunk tank! Happy 21st birthday!
Someone just knocked jenga into a plate of cake. I'm licking off each piece one by one.
Enroute to my place eta 6 mikes...estimated time until intoxicated? 45 mikes. Commence the timer.
I sent him a tit pic on accident and he replied with "nice ass"
That was the second worst thing to happen to my asshole.
I didn't pay $79 for lingerie for you to cum in 30 seconds
So the next time I search for "Dragon Dildo" on my phone, I should probably clear the browser before handing my phone to someone and that's the first thing they see haha
Randomize
