I walked in on my roommate finishing watching something on his computer. There was cum all over his screen. He awkwardly said hi and pulled up his pants.
Then she opened the door and pitched the dead squirrel out, yelling "TELL THE OTHERS WHAT YOU SAW"
You kept asking who was the good cop and who was the bad cop, you said you only wanted to talk to the good one
I should start handing out wavers before I have sex with someone. 1. Do you have anything to do tomorrow? 2. Are you ok with sleeping 12 hours from exhaustion. 3. Are you ok with a limp?
he told me to hold it and try to write my name in the snow and it seemed like a bonding moment because neither one of us had ever done that before. i didn't anticipate it vibrating and weirding me out therefore making me let go and get my hand peed on.
OH HAPPY DAYS YOU'RE BOTH GINGERS YOU'LL REPRODUCE YOUR OWN KIND
I feel like im becoming the girl who only drunk texts him. I would be in the dog house, if situations like this had dog houses.
The inflatable penis from those pics was mine... We broke him that night
Just fell off my bed trying to pose and take a nude for you. Probably broke my wrist
No i dont need a babysitter i have my cats. Cats can dial 911 ya know
Not sure if I should ask if I can have my underwear back or just avoid that all together.
Like, my vagina is jet-lagged.
I just lived through a real life episode of jersey shore.
I swear he is my soulmate. He kept feeding me goldfish while we were fucking. Who wouldn't enjoy that while having sex.
Apparently during my blackout I walked over to Troy, grabbed my crotch, and said “Eat Fresh” while his GF was with him. FML
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