Im glad youre not pregnant with that New Jersey assholes baby. Your vagina would have smelled worse than Newark.
i think the next time he gets me off i'm going to scream bangarang
ru fi oooo
Based on her brazillian stubble I would guess her plan had been to wait one more date before sleeping with me. Seems the plan was flexible.
You think they'd ask my permission before turning Pajamarama into an orgy. I saw too many of my friends dicks at once the door got kicked down.
shes trying to book us all flights to Ireland..I let her get mine and yours but stopped her when she tried booking the guy next to her at the library
He won't ever take me seriously if I keep getting drunk and hooking up with all his friends.
Febreezed myself at a stop light on the way to the IRS office. Judgmental glare from some old lady in the car next to me, thumbs up from her husband.
I just ASL-ed someone for the first time since 2002.
then he told me my boobs feel like "if you put mushroom soup in a baggie." I don't know how I'm supposed to feel about this.
She told me she was the Publishers Clearing House of Dicks. Two dicks a day, everyday for life.
All I remember is receiving a lap dance to slow motion.
I think one make out session at a bar per year is probably the best choice.
If you think I'm not petty enough to drive to your house at 3 in the goddamn morning just to punch you, you underestimate me.
Dude, Kevin called the cops on the cops.
Topless, eating sour gummies, doing a crossword, at 4 AM. TELL ME IM BEAUTIFUL!
Randomize
