Apparently, my drunken 3AM idea of safety is to send a GPS map of my location to someone 700 miles away. Seriously considering death as a viable alternative to this hangover. Death or Yuengling.
Yes. I feel like complaining about sex all the time with a 21 year old might be punishable by death of the sex gods so I try not to
I'm sitting in my 10 am lecture drinking a flask out of a dorritos bag...I think people are starting to notice but I'm already too drunk to care
My last google search is "how to build a flamethrower"
Just jerked off with bubble wrap. Not as awesome as it sounds.
His arresting officer when they were busting up the squat party recognized him from the anti-drone protest. He was like Jesus kid, you were sober last time.
i've created a new STD.
You didn't say, "No." And you stole more than half of my Snickers. You owed me that dick.
Currently at a fetish club with a set of swings (don't ask). Having flashbacks to the park by my house
I know, but the fabulousness of my baggies should not be what defines my business as a drug dealer.
Please tell me those naked pics were not your mom. Lie if you have to.
Before getting out of the car, she said "Thanks for getting me off." I like how polite she is.
I'll get tired halfway through and end up passed out at a taco shack honestly
I love you with the passion of a thousand FUCKBOYS during the height of week 1 texting
Something tells me tonight will end with me wearing my pants on my head again.
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