Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
but the lizard people decide everything anyway
He's been dead since March and more people write on his wall than mine.
tolerance is too high. going on a liquor strike. ghandi style.
I take back everything I said about communal showers
She left scratches down my back from her wedding ring. Her husband seems like a nice guy though, judging by the scratches it had to be at least a carat.
please don't text me until you can spell three letter words again.
There's two big trays of water in our freezer. I just hope they freeze by Saturday. for the ice luge.
its Wednesday...
they're reeeeeally big trays
Well once I told her I had a girlfriend she actually got more aggressive. Then Danielle called me and she saw the pic of the two of us on my phone and immediately said "can my caller I'd pic be me sitting on your face" wtf?
I would really just like to get laid somewhere that's not on a bathroom floor at this point in my life
It's like wanting to be a vampire vs being a vampire. You don't know the cock lust until it's infected you.
New fuck buddy and long time fuck buddy are carpooling home for thanksgiving. #10hrconvoaboutmyblowjobskills
I sleep better at night when I win things. I never really weep for others.
This is an alert from the drunk police: you have reached the point of no return. Text messages past this point are illegible.
...okay, you can't just say 'masturbating llama' and not explain yourself
Randomize
