We drank from noon till 5 am, there was adderall and nice jews involved it was just crazy
i woke up to 115 texts from him all saying "do you love me??"
Made out with me girlfriend while she was peeing. all time high, or all time low?
Im like a co-bf. he pays for her birthday and christmas, but i get all the action.
you know, even black out drunk I can always remember the exact point where I should have stopped drinking.
whoooo knowwsss what george of the jungle juice is but i feel like im in the promised land
do you remember the combo for the lock to my pants?
Edward fifth and chaser hands
It's "your husband had his mouth on my vagina" awkward.
she put on her moms wedding dress and is chugging purple jolly rancher vodka, happy cyber monday
That works. I won't care. I'll be a mermaid. Mermaids don't give a fuck.
Especially drunk mermaids.
Two ladies just showed up with my fucking purse. It was in the fucking street. I'm a train wreck. As a financial advisor, this shouldn't happen. I should be an adult.
I have bruises all over my body. Seriously, I'm a train wreck. I'm too damn old for hangovers like this.
Is it okay to send him a "thanks for the sexual awakening" note?
Morning! Im using your rent money to snort percocet.
On another note I am sitting in my bed naked, buzzed, and working on a notecard for my 8:00am test tomorrow. I think I need to make better choices.
Randomize
