I swear to god he was trying to crawl under my door last night muttering "I'm Alex Mac! I'm Alex Mac!"
oh yeah I'm gonna practice throwing up so I can be ready for Friday night. and Saturday. Beth is back, diaper and all.
I just took went to the bathroom and it smelt like blue curococo... I didn't flush yet so head on up if you wanna know what a good night smells like.
literally. a puddle of blood. on the floor. still searching for the source
You drank everything last night. It was like this huge deconstructed long island that went on for 5 hours
Because guys aren't supposed to cry. Especially when it's over a dude singing a Christmas carol.
i'm about to be the still-drunkest person on the ellipticals
Good news. That bum you thought that died is alive.
Omg that was my second thought of the morning.
First was that we had pop tarts.
It looks like a baby bear tried to chew off my nipples.
Just went to court for a citation. Guess who my DA was? That girl I ATM'd last weekend. No ticket for me!
Do you remember whose house we're in?
You punched me in the face while blackout. 20 min later I told you I'd been punched in the face and you yelled 'by who, imma go kill 'em!'
I think everyone at the office can tell I'm dehydrated
you mean still drunk
I've heard it both ways
i shit you not. the flight is delayed because they have to change fucking light bulb. all the airport bars are closed and my shit is in checked luggage.
Randomize
