You should never have let annie watch you have sex with other women
i bet jesus would rush if he went to usc
two words: eviction party
If i die in the snow, get to my laptop and delete all of the nickelback. password is "barry"
as in "white"?
dad just smoked me out. he's yelling at room service for not giving him cookies and milk with his towels...we're both too high to know if thats a legit complaint.
Feels weird sitting between two guys who've had their heads between my legs in a 24 hour span.
At least I know she didn't hear me crawl to my room. Or did I walk on my hands? Fuck if I know.
I really wish I had added "blowjob on a slide at a playground" to my bucket list before last night.
He wanted to drink hypnotic from my butt crack. I need to move out this state.
Apparently we stole a dog last night. I woke up and it was just staring at me. But we fed it left over KFC for breakfast so it's cool.
Just me, my martini, and my backup Martini.
this hospital has no fireball
The best thing about this time of year is that all I have to do is add a random mardi gras decoration to my cart full of alcohol and boom, no more judging
My sister's exploding appendix just cock blocked me...
Pretty sure one of my drivers stopped to get laid while he was delivering a pizza. Is it appropriate to give him a write-up AND a high-five?
Randomize
