After they won there was a guy outside Magee Hospital yelling "name your kid Sidney"... that guy may or may not have been me.
I just talked to a CEO of a fortune 500 company while pooping. I LOVE being self employed.
If a man's penis is referred to as "the family jewels" does that make a woman's vagina a jewelry box?
this is going to sound stupid but when I was drunk and thought I was a stripper where I did toss my pants?
I feel like hell. The amount of black beans I found in my hair tells me I hit rock bottom
K, so let's go ahead and say that mcnugget and margarita Tuesday was a bad idea
As far as drugs go, alcohol has all the elegance and precision of hitting yourself in the head with a hammer.
I think we should have realized the night was going to be nuts when it started with a bum dying in front of my house.
He got up when I started trying to balance my wine glass on his head.
I just remembered you throwing bread at me and getting me to drink water out of a heineken bottle. You are my best friend.
Tell me how you feel about belly buttons
Idk I was embarrassed that I hit it too hard so I played it off by spitting out bong water like a 'whales blowhole'
He invited to drink but spelled forties wrong so no thx
HOW DID I LET MYSELF GET SUCKED IN HE HAS A PENIS FOR PETE'S SAKE.
You wouldnt listen to us when we told you there was no place that was selling girlscout cookies at 4:30am...
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