Ummmm the art teacher neighbor asked me to pose nude for her art class for cash.
I totally have a Rabbi on speed dial now. Keep it Kosher.
she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
And then I chipped his tooth because I got too into it. Helloo, single life.
I don't remember him, but he's saved in my phone as "uh oh zbt"
It never fails.. every time I have a dick in my mouth he calls me.
Please do NOT set off the smoke alarm when I am tied to the bed like this...
I left two hundred in singles in your car sorry about the mess
This whole situation could've been avoided if you would've just let me open the beer
Since you're going to wake up and see one bajillion missed calls from me, I just want you to know that's a perfectly reasonable number. Now come downystairs.
Date idea: we should go to the store and buy all the different kinds of Lay's and eat them all
Do you think there are other mothers looking at porn in the carpool line?
It was the highest I'd ever been. I felt like a blob. A blob eating a burrito.
Literally, and I mean LITERALLY as in "not to be confused with a casual hyperbole", LITERALLY the day we broke up she slept with 3 different guys that night.
1) It's nice to see that the whole "English Major" thing is upping the quality of your rants 2) Have you considered that your dick was the cork holding her sluttiness in?
You know you were really drunk last night when you woke up and had someone else's jacket with their car keys and medical marijuana that you wore home from the bar and no sign of your actual jacket.
Randomize
