dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
Told a girl i wanted to feel her bellybutton from the inside... I need to learn how to flirt
omg i forgot michael madsen was in free willy this is the most epic movement of my stoned life
I puked for half an hour, but I went and danced afterwards, and that made me feel better.
You are so irish.
Honestly, I don't care whether it was a guy or a girl. Best blowjob ever.
Had dinner with my ex husband. The box of wine is gone and I'm laying on the floor in my wedding dress. Where are you?!
She's all pretty and bubbly and nice and I'm sitting here stoned looking like Lucifer.
It is a special kind of bonus when you find money you hid from yourself when you were drunk in the tampon box. What did we do last period?
he was having a black light party and drinking manischewitz wine out of a three foot tall trophy he stole from mcdonald's...that's when I decided it was time to leave
I literally walked into the toilet, looked at my reflection, said "alcohol" and went back to bed...
If someone made a breakfast cereal that was a cross between lucky charms and fruity pebbles and called it unicorn power with a huge fucking rainbow and a unicorn standing in a pot of gold on the box, they would be rich. Not only monetarily but spiritually as well...
I need you to be best friend brutally honest about whether or not I can go into public like this.
All I've done is masturbate and drink while being home from college.
If I could go one week without being called a maneater or a spanish trolip that would be great.
How do you ask the man who gives you multiple orgasms if he has friends who could do the same for your friend?
Randomize
