I'm at a party with that guy you made out with on new years. He remembers your name!
we lost you for like an hour and then found you at some dive bar trying to teach dance lessons
you thought you were invisible so you started narrating your actions.
Friday was tragic. I was naked on top of him and he didn't have a condom. Oh and he had an Obama poster on the wall in front of his bed so our president was staring down at me while I was naked. I felt sorta bad.
You should've just screamed yes we can!
I mean this holiday was built on cheap beer, shitty whisky, and processed meat... and I fully plan to honor that
you can feel better about your life now. i slept with a guy who has gold teeth
Never again. Her vagina looked like a sad old man.
Kripsy Kremes at our place, bring your own coffee. And your own donuts because these ones are ours.
Apparently I was drunk enough to call he police station and ask if there was a problem with me.
The sorting hat of life was not kind to you.....
I wanna trust fall face first on a penis.
When we found you, you were half crying/half singing Taylor swift songs at 2am in the bathroom, and occasionally puking. I think I get "friend of the year" award just for putting up with your drunk ass all night.
Did you really have to freak out and get up half way through to put the cat in the closet?
...
When he said he lived in a closet I thought he meant his room was really small or something... But he actually has a queen size mattress on the floor of his roomates walk-in closet.
Her blowjob technique? Picture someone attempting to drink a triple thick milkshake through a Capri Sun straw.
Randomize
