chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
Having kids is risky. They might end up weird.
Fat chicks shouldn't bartend
You left a skid on my bar stool!!!!
Oops! Sorry about getting stool on your stool!
Can you come over to my place and make up for the crap you called sex yesterday?
Good morning to you
remember that guy i blew in a bathroom in barcelona, i just blew him again in rome. lightning does strike twice.
wow, you never really realize how many muscles you have in your crotch until you pull them all.
Lesson of the night: never take shots out of a bottle you found under a couch in a frat house. I have no idea where I am
... why is there a bottle of pee on my headboard?
So high I started thinking my desktop picture of a cat was too erotic for the workplace.
I just dropped a paperclip into my cleavage while talking to the company president... That's an awkward moment.
Did you at least offer to let him get it out??
Next time I try to break into the police station drunk, please stop me.
Where are you and why are you fighting with a bird?
There's wine in the fridge here. You could leave school and we could get day drunk.
That's my favorite drunk.
I think my stomach is breaking up with me. It's giving me back everything I ever gave it.
Randomize
